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MALAY ADOLESCENTS EXPERIENCES WITH DIVORCED AND REMARRIED PARENT(S): A

PHENOMENOLOGICAL STUDY

BY

SHARIFAH AISHAH SYED HAMZAH

A dissertation submitted in fulfilment of the requirement for the degree of Master in Education

Kulliyyah of Education

International Islamic University Malaysia

AUGUST 2018

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ABSTRACT

Parental divorce is an important topic in the family institution, especially when the divorce impacts the people around them. This study examined the inner thoughts and feelings of the adolescents in coping with parental divorce and subsequent remarriage in Malaysia among Malay adolescents. The study also investigates how the pre- and post-divorce circumstances affect these adolescents. A qualitative research design using semi-structured interviews along with written essay questions was chosen as the method of the study. Five participants were chosen: one male and four females from Peninsular Malaysia were interviewed. Based on the data analysis, four categories with 15 concepts were extracted from the semi-structured interview and written essays. The four categories are Resentful, Lost Hope, Mental Conflict, and Maturity.

The categories were abstracted from the pre- and post-divorce events. More negative than positive effects were detected from this study.

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ثحبلا ةصلاخ

قلاطبرتعي امهم ًاعوضوم

في نايك ةرسلأاب ينطيلمحا ىلع رثؤي امدنع اصوصخ ةيزيلالما ةرسلأا .

ةساردلا هذى راكفلأاصحفت

يلخادلا رعاشموة

ينقىارلما لماعتلا ةيفيك يفنييزيلالما

عم نيدلاولا

دعب لا قلاط ثم ايزيلام في ىرخأ ةرم جاوزلا .

فورظ يرثأت ةساردلا فشكتست امك ام

لبق

ينقىارلما ىلعقلاطلا دعبو .

و مادختساب تانايبلا عجم تمو يمكلا جهنلما ةساردلا تمدختسا

ةلاقلما ةلئسأو ةننقلما وبش ةلباقلما ةلئسأ ةبوتكلما

. ،ةلباقملل ينقىارلما نم ةسخم رايتخا تمو

ًا دحاو ثانلإا نم ةعبرأو روكذلا نم .

صلاختسا تم دقف ، تانايبلا ليلتح ىلع ءانبو

عبرأ رصانعة عم

15 ةبوتكلما لاقلما ةلئسأ نمو ةننقلما وبش ةلباقلما نم اموهفم .

و رصانعلا

ةعبرلأا يى

: جضنلاو ،يسفنلا عارصلاو ،لملأا نادقفو ،ءايتسلاا .

هذى رصانعلا

تم ةعبرلأا

لا لبق ام ثادحأ نم اهصلاختسا ط

هدعبو قلا .

تايرثأتلا نأ لىإ ةساردلا تصلخ دقو

ةيبايجلإا نم رثكأ ةيبلسلا

.

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APPROVAL PAGE

I certify that I have supervised and read this study and that in my opinion, it conforms to acceptable standards of scholarly presentation and is fully adequate, in scope and quality, as a dissertation for the degree of Master of Education.

………..

Nik Suryani Nik Abdul Rahman Supervisor

I certify that I have read this study and that in my opinion it conforms to acceptable standards of scholarly presentation and is fully adequate, in scope and quality, as a dissertation for the degree of Master of Education.

………..

Mastura Badzis Examiner

This dissertation was submitted to the Department of Educational Psychology &

Counseling and is accepted as a fulfilment of the requirement for the degree of Master of Education

………..

Haniza Rais

Head, Department of Social Foundations and Educational Leadership

This dissertation was submitted to the Kulliyyah of Education and is accepted as a fulfilment of the requirement for the degree of Master of Education

………..

Ismail Sheikh Ahmad

Acting Dean, Kulliyyah of Education

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DECLARATION

I hereby declare that this dissertation is the result of my own investigations, exceptwhere otherwise stated. I also declare that it has not been previously or concurrentlysubmitted as a whole for any other degrees at IIUM or other institutions.

Sharifah Aishah Syed Hamzah

Signature... Date...

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INTERNATIONAL ISLAMIC UNIVERSITY MALAYSIA

DECLARATION OF COPYRIGHT AND AFFIRMATION OF FAIR USE OF UNPUBLISHED RESEARCH

MALAY ADOLESCENTS EXPERIENCES WITH DIVORCED AND REMARRIED PARENT(S): A PHENOMENOLOGICAL

STUDY

I declare that the copyright holders of this dissertation are jointly owned by the student and IIUM.

Copyright © 2018Sharifah Aishah Syed Hamzahand International Islamic University Malaysia. All rights reserved.

No part of this unpublished research may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior written permission of the copyright holder except as provided below

1. Any material contained in or derived from this unpublished research may be used by others in their writing with due acknowledgement.

2. IIUM or its library will have the right to make and transmit copies (print or electronic) for institutional and academic purposes.

3. The IIUM library will have the right to make, store in a retrieved system and supply copies of this unpublished research if requested by other universities and research libraries.

By signing this form, I acknowledged that I have read and understand theIIUM Intellectual Property Right and Commercialization policy.

Affirmed by Sharifah Aishah Syed Hamzah

……..……….. ………..

Signature Date

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

This research project becomes a reality to me with the kind support and help of people around me. I would like to extend my sincere thanks to all these people who motivated and encouraged me whenever my research work gave me trouble and hardship especially when I reach the dead end and support is all I need.

Secondly, I would like to manifest my sincere gratitude to my supervisor Assoc. Prof. Dr. Nik Suryani Nik Abdul Rahman for the invaluable support and guidance that encouraged me to be more confident and motivated in completing my project paper.

My special thanks and appreciation goes to my family, especially my husband and my children who couldn‘t help me with my research but always there for me when I needed.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Abstract ...ii

Abstract in Arabic ...iii

Approval page ...iv

Declaration ...v

Copyright Page...vi

Acknowledgements ...vii

List of Tables ...x

List of Figures ...xi

CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION ...1

1.1 Background of the Study ...1

1.2 Problem Statement ...4

1.3 Objective of the Study ...7

1.4 Research Questions ...7

1.5 Significance of the Study ...8

1.6 Delimitations of the Study ...9

1.7 Definition of Terms...9

CHAPTER TWO: LITERATURE REVIEW ...10

2.1 Introduction ...10

2.2 Theoretical Framework ...10

2.3 Review of the Past Research ...11

2.4 Parents‘ Marital Dissolution ...12

2.5 Offspring Relationship with Parents after Divorce ...14

2.6 Problems Related to Divorce ...16

2.7 Conclusion ...17

CHAPTER THREE: RESEARCH METHODOLOGY ...19

3.1 Introduction ...19

3.2 Research Design...19

3.3 Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA) ...20

3.4 Setting ...20

3.5 Participants ...21

3.6 Inclusion Criteria ...22

3.7 Pilot Study ...23

3.8 Data Collection ...24

3.9 Data Analysis ...24

3.10 Conclusion ...25

CHAPTER FOUR: DATA ANALYSIS AND FINDINGS...26

4.1 Introduction ...26

4.2 Pre and Post-Divorce Stages ...28

4.3 Resentful ...34

4.3.1 Feeling Betrayed ...35

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4.3.2 Angry ...36

4.3.3 Rebel ...39

4.3.4 Denunciation (Blame) ...40

4.4 Lost Hope ...41

4.4.1 Fragile/Broken Family ...41

4.4.2 Stay with Other Family during Transition Period ...43

4.4.3 Perspective of Love Changes ...45

4.5 Mental Conflict ...46

4.5.1 Abandoned ...47

4.5.2 Stress ...48

4.5.3 Abused ...49

4.5.4 Responsible ...50

4.6 Maturity...53

4.6.1 Closer to Mother ...53

4.6.2 Forgiveness ...54

4.6.3 Positivity ...55

4.6.4 Love Extended Family ...56

4.7 Conclusion ...59

CHAPTER FIVE:DISCUSSION AND CONCLUSIONS ...60

5.1 Introduction ...60

5.2 Discussion ...60

5.3 Recommendations ...63

5.4 Future Suggestions And Limitations ...64

5.5 Conclusion ...65

REFERENCES ...66

APPENDIX A: INTERVIEW QUESTIONS ...69

APPENDIX B: INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPTIONS ...71

APPENDIX C: ESSAY ANSWERS ...96

APPENDIX D: PILOT STUDY...105

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LIST OF TABLES

Table No. Page No.

4.1 Participants Demographics Background 27

4.2 Three Phases 29

4.3 Research Findings 32

4.4 Resentful 35

4.5 Lost Hope 41

4.6 Mental Conflict 46

4.7 Maturity 53

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LIST OF FIGURES

Figure No. Page No.

2.1 Five Stages of Theories of Relationship Dissolution 11

4.1 Pre-Divorce 30

4.2 Post-Divorce 31

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CHAPTER ONE INTRODUCTION

1.1 BACKGROUND OF THE STUDY

A statistics by the Syariah Judiciary Department Malaysia (JKSM) had listed that the divorce rate among the Malays in Malaysia had risen dramatically from 2004 to 2013.

It was 20,916 in 2004 and it increased to 49,311 in 2013. Overall, it can be emphasized that marriage in Malaysia among the Malays only last between five to ten years. Between those years, many couples manage to produce off springs of their own.

These make the decision to divorce become more complicated.The wave of divorce doesn‘t just hit the parents, it basically leaves a deeper wound among the children (Fagan & Churchill, 2012).

Marriage is obligatory and highly recommended in Islam. It is needed in order to increase the human population. In the eyes of Islam, marriage or nikah is also part of the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) and it shall be obligatory when there is a chance of leading to sin. As the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) once said:-

―The best people of my nation (ummat) are those who get married and have chosen their wives, and the worse people of my nation are those who have kept away from marriage and are passing their lives as bachelors‖.

(Al-Islam.org)

Likewise marriage is highly encouraged, divorce is highly discouraged in Islam. Divorce is one of the matters that is most hated by Allah (S.W.T.), although it is permitted if no other solution can be found between the couple. A hadithson divorce from M.S Raza article:-

―Of all the things permitted in law, divorce is the most hateful things in the sight of Allah.‖

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―A woman seeking divorce unnecessarily will be deprived of the scent of paradise‖.

Divorce, or talaqin Arabic, means to set free, and it is only permitted in unavoidable situations as it is a lawful method to bring the marriage contract to an end. Although it is not considered sinful for the divorced couple, this complex event does have a huge impact in multiple perspectives, such as the sociological perspective, where the focus is on the social class, race, and age at first marriage; while from the psychological perspective, the highlight is on the marital interactions and conflict management, or on the personality characteristics, for instance, like antisocial behavior or any other chronic negative traits (Amato & Previti, 2003). Nowadays divorce is considered common among many societies worldwide, but in some cases, the divorce is for the betterment of the family, so that the family can still exist in a harmonious environment where the children‘s emotional well-being is not affected (Cameron, 2008). Although divorce may be beneficial in some cases, overall it can be said that it does more harm than good. It may downgrade a person‘s quality of life, whereby the person might never fully recover from the damage incurred (Fagan &

Churchill, 2012). If the divorced couple fails to manage the divorce with sensitivity, responsiveness, and cooperation from both parties, their irresponsible action may have a deleterious effect on their children (Amato & Previti, 2003). The children may feel alienated, confused, angry, and may display viciousanti-social behaviors, poor academic performance in their education, become sexually promiscuous, or resort to substance abuse, severely compromising their emotional well-being (Cameron, 2008).

In a country like Malaysia, dissolution of marriage or divorce can be defined as an ultimate act of legal separation of married couples under either the civil or the

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syariah court. According to the United Nation 2011, divorce gives the right to the

separated spouse to remarry after the dissolution.

The upsurge in the rate of divorce throughout the world over the years, also affects countries like Malaysia badly. According to The Star (June 12, 2012), as reported by Emmanual Kiat, a researcher from HELP University, the rate of divorce has risen to about 105% during the 8 years between 2002-2009. Statistics by JAKIM, the Department of Islamic Development Board, revealed that in 2010, on average, 77 Muslim couples dissolve their marriage every day. This implies that three married couples get divorced every hour (Malay Mail, 2011).

According to Zainab, Wan Ibrahim and Asyraf (2014), marriage in Malaysia is too fragile and can easily end up in a divorce. The divorce rate had increased significantly throughout the years, especially in the Federal Territory of Kuala Lumpur, Terengganu, Perlis and Kedah.

There are numerous reasons for marriage breakups. According to the Women, Family, and Community Development Ministry, Deputy Minister Datuk Azizah Mohd Dun, the first five of marriage are the most challenging phase for married couples.

Misunderstanding, in laws interference, and infidelity are among the reasons that lead to divorce in Malaysia (The Star, 2016).The divorce often resulted in the children being neglected and stuck in the middle of the situation. Even if there is no physical abuse, the effect of the divorce may lead to emotional damage which could adversely affect them in many ways (Booth, Alan& Amato, 1994).

Parents are accountable in nurturing good moral, ethical and religious values in their children. Allah had stressed the importance of parent‘s responsibilities towards the upbringing of their children in many Qur‘anic verses and Hadith. Allah commands in the Qur‘an:

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―O you, who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is people and stones...‖

(Surah At-Tahrim, 66:6)

Parents are responsible for guiding their children along the correct path by giving them a good religious education. According to Islamic beliefs, a child is born with pure fitrah, pure state, free from any sin (N. Tarazi, 1995).

―Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world….‖

(Surah At-Tahrim, 66:46)

Based on the Quranic verse above, Allah mentioned that children are part of the amanah by Him upon this world. That‘s why it is the responsibility of each parent to take care of the amanah given because later (on Judgment Day) they will have to account for it. Facing the parents‘ divorce may seem easier to a child than to an adolescent, as they don‘t really understand what‘s going on due to their limited emotional and intellectual capacity at this stage of life. But when the child reaches his adolescent phase, the transitional period between puberty and adulthood, he or she would try to make sense of what‘s happening. This is also the stage where the adolescent is undergoing a transitional crisis of identity, trying to understand himself or herself in a deeper way. The outcome of the parental divorce may hit them harder at this stage of their lives, even more so when one or both of the divorced parents decide toremarry (with total strangers in their children‘s eyes.)

1.2 PROBLEM STATEMENT

A study conducted in 2011 by Esmaeili et al., revealed that the academic achievement of adolescents from divorced families is adversely affected by post-divorce parental conflict and economic hardship.

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A divorce introduces drastic changes into the life of the children of the couple no matter what age or gender they are. Witnessing conflict and animosity among their parents and the fading of their love and affection towards one another, and the children as well, shatters their faith in their parents as their role models. The divorce forces them to divide their loyalty, as they shuttle back and forth between their divorced parents. Things will never be as they were as the children try to adjust to the new normal, where one parent will always be absent in their daily lives (Cheung et, al., 2010; Esmaeili et al., 2011, Booth Alan& Amato, 1994).

Some research even suggested that divorce led to the children being close to only one parent, and distant with the other divorced parent (Baum Nehami, 2003, Orbuch et al., 2000).

According to Aseltine and Robert (1996), parental divorce can lead to depression among adolescents, especially if the single parent has financial problems.

Meanwhile, other findings conclude that adolescents with divorced parents are more prone to loneliness and negative global life satisfaction than adolescents with non- divorced parents (Kuram et al., 2009). Rodgers and Hillary (2002) suggested that parents are very important to the well-being of their children. But parents‘ relationship stability alone is not sufficient for the adolescent to bloom as a productive adult later in life. Optimal development of adolescents depends on factors inside and outside the family itself. Outside family factors include the influence of the adolescent‘s peers, schools and their neighbors. These outside factors may be taken for granted since the environment depends on the families themselves too (Sun Yongmin, 2001).

Previously, many past researches focused on the impact of divorce on the offspring, especially their self-esteem and academic achievement (Thomaset al., 1995;

Hanson Thomas, 1999; Oldehinkel, et al., 2008; Richardson et al., 2001;Aseltine &

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Robert, 1996). Some of the offsprings also shows depression symptoms as such, difficult to concentrate, making decisions, and remembering details. They were also reported having the feeling of guilt, and self worthlessness. All those feelings soon become over helming and led towards physical symptoms like headaches, cramps, digestive problems or loss of appetite (Aseltine & Robert, 1996). Before the depression start, the offspring may have their views on the divorce itself that can be manifested in forms of inner thoughts and feelings. These are among the specific focus that always being left behind by the researcher (Amatoetel., 2006).

Besides that, not many research focused on the divorced parents that remarried again, and how the kids get absorbed into the new family (Rodgers & Hilary, 2002).

Therefore, this study will be focusing on the experiencesof the offsprings with the divorced and remarried parents. Their inner thoughts and feelings will be explored in detail in order to understand why they behave the way they did after the divorce. But the researcher will focus on the adolescents as the researcher believe that they could explain their feelings better than younger children and they are closer to their parents than the adults since they are still under their parents‘ custody right until they get married.

Adolescents behave the way they do in line with their age and the time of their life. Most of their behaviour is unexplainable as many past researches fail to explain the reason beyond the misbehaviour of the adolescence since it was conducted quantitatively (Sun Yongmin, 2001; Oldehinkel et al., 2008; Richardson, McCabe &

Marita, 2001). Due to that reason, this study attempts to explain the situation in a way that could explore the thoughts and feelings of the adolescents regarding their parent‘s divorce.

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Most previous research on parental divorce and children employed the quantitative method (Booth & Amato, 1994; Chung & Emery, 2010; Esmaeili et al., 2011).Only a small number used the qualitative method (Knabb, 2008). Hence, further qualitative research on divorce is needed in order to understand the experience in- depth. Although the qualitative method may have the advantage of understanding the participants‘ feelings, values and perceptions deeper, it may not be extrapolated to the whole community, since it is not the aim of qualitative study to use the sample as representative of the whole society.

1.3 OBJECTIVE OF THE STUDY

The main objective of this study is to explore the inner thoughts and feelings of adolescents in facing their parents‘ divorce and remarriage. Their views and opinions regarding their new step family, (step-father or step mother, or step-siblings) are being explored along with their views on marriage as a whole.

1.4 RESEARCH QUESTIONS

Two research questions were addressed in this research, namely:

1) What are the experiences and insights of adolescent children undergoing parental divorce and subsequent remarriage?

2) How do the adolescent children cope with their new step-parents and step- siblings (step-father or step-mother, or step siblings)?

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This study may provide useful insights into the adolescents‘perceptions of parental divorce and remarriage. The predicament of these adolescents in the society is crucial in understanding the ramifications of family crises and dysfunction as the consequence of parental divorce and subsequent remarriage, leading to confusion and split loyalties, and deeper crises of identity. It may indeed presage a totally different family reconfiguration of the future society,whereby it is the norm for children and adolescents to have several family nexus and affiliations, as the result of multiple serial parental divorces and remarriages. We are not equipped to deal with such extreme transformation of the social family system.

Teachers and counselors at school may find this study useful as they may use the research result as a guide for them to get to know students of divorced and remarried parent(s). Past research had shown a significant relationship between parental divorce and remarriage and adolescents‘ academic achievement at school. A disruption in the relationship between parents and the adolescents, as the result of divorce and remarriage, had a dysfunctional effect overall (Esmaeili et al., 2011). By understanding the predicament of these adolescents, teachers may be able to help them improve their academic performance.

Additionally, parents who had undergone divorce themselves (and remarried) could benefit from the study, to understand the adolescents‘ perspective regarding the situation. The parents should try to understand the adolescents‘ feelings of being divided in loyalty between the divorced parents, not knowing which side they should be or just sitting on the fence, while trying to please them both (Amato et al., 2006).

Having some insight into the adolescents‘ inner thoughts and feelings could make things more clear for the relationship between the parents and the adolescents.

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9 1.6 DELIMITATIONS OF THE STUDY

This research project aims to explore in-depth the feelings and thoughts of the participants. The participants may be overwhelmed by emotions sometimes, and may not be able to express their true thoughts and feelings; as such, there is always the likelihood that they may be giving defensive or evasive answers. Only five adolescents were chosen to be interviewed due to the researcher‘s time constraint.

Therefore, the researcher chose to elicit data from essays written by the participants in order to supplement the semi-structured interviews.

1.7 DEFINITION OF TERMS

Malayrefers to the racially intermixed people who are the dominant population of the Malay Peninsula and adjacent islands (Dictionary.com).

Adolescence here refers to the transitional period between puberty and adulthood in human development. There are three stages of adolescence: - early adolescence 11-13 years old, adolescence 14-17 years old, and young adulthood 18-25 years old (Curtis, 2015).The five adolescence that involved in this study comprises four females and one male with the age ranging from 16-25 years old.

Divorced Parents here means that the parents were divorced by the law not by death.

Remarried Parent(s) here refers to the parent (either one or both parents) who remarried with another person, after the divorce.

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CHAPTER TWO LITERATURE REVIEW

2.1 INTRODUCTION

Divorce has a big impact in the lives of many people. Children of divorced families mostly receive less financial assistance, emotional support and practical help, especially from their parents (Fagan 7 Churchill, 2012). This chapter consists of two parts: theoretical framework and review of past research. The theoretical framework is where a theory had been chosen that is related to the research, while the review of the past research is where the researcher relates the research with the past research.

2.2 THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK

In the theoretical framework, the theory that will be used in this study is ‗Theory of Relationship Dissolution‘. In 1984, Lee, came out with a five stage model of the breakup period that explains the process of the breakup itself and what prompted it. As shown in diagram 2.0, it starts with the dissatisfaction period where the problems are initially triggered, followed by the exposure where the problems become more prominent, then comes the negotiation where the dialogue relates to the central issues, next is the attempt at resolution where the husband and wife will try to figure out any way out to their problem, and finally is the termination stage, which will take place if the resolution attempts fail. Lee has come out with the model after conducting a study involving over 100 premarital romantic breakups.In his conclusion, the strongest relationships refer to the relationships that manage to survive the longest of the five stages. This model mainly refers to the events leading up to the breakups, not

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concerning the reasons behind it or how to avoid it from happening (revisionworld.com).

Figure 2.1 Five Stages of Theories of Relationship Dissolution

This theory is relevant to the current study as all the parents of the selected adolescents can be said to have gone through the five stages of the breakup period and failed to resolve their problem. All of the participants‘ parents had gone through the stages of dissatisfaction (constant altercations and fights), followed by exposure and negotiation where they confront and discuss the issues. Then came the stage of resolution and termination, when all effort to settle the conflict has failed and the relationship faced termination.

2.3 REVIEW OF THE PAST RESEARCH

This study examined the inner thoughts and feelings of the adolescents in facing their parents‘ divorce and remarriage, and their post-divorce relationship with their parents.

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The researcher came up with three themes from the past journal research: 1) Parents‘

Marital Dissolution, 2) Offspring Relationship with Parents after Divorce, and 3) Problems Related to Divorce. These three titles cover the parents‘ perspective, and their offsprings‘ perspective towards the divorce.

2.4 PARENTS’ MARITAL DISSOLUTION

Amato and Previti (2003) studied 208 couples, why their marriages ended in a divorce. Theresearchers‘ findings showed that, infidelity was the most common reason, followed by incompatibility, drinking or drug abuse, and growing apart. They stressed that the reasons may vary depending on gender, social class, and life course variables. It‘s normal that each partner would blame the other for the cause of the breakup; however, admitted by former husbands and wives, women were more likely to initiate the divorce. This is supported by another study which claims that women tend to detect the problems that lead to divorce earlier, and men tend to be less sensitive to the problems overall, as they suggested that women are the bellwether for the relationships problem (Williamson et al., 2015).

In another study by Amato and Booth (1994), parents‘ reports of marital quality over a 12-year period starting in 1980, indicate that parental marital quality influences children‘s relationships with the opposite sex parents than the same sex parents—for example, the relationship of sons with mothers and daughters with fathers.But the overall findings suggest that, with the weakening of parental marital quality, sons show less bonding towards both parents, whereby daughters show closer bonding to fathers and less close bonding to mothers. This may be the result of the father distancing himself from the ex-wife and his children after the divorce (Thompson & Walker, 1989). This study contrasts with other long-term studies that

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indicated divorces without remarriage damage sons‘ relationships with both parents, and the most affected by the divorce was the father-daughter relationship. Meanwhile, the mother-daughter bonding seems to be increased by the divorce, especially when there are financial problems, and this may lead to the bad relationship between the father and the children (Orbuch et al., 2000).

Sometimes, even the parents may not be aware of the changes happening to their offspring as they themselves are so busy handling their post-divorce emotions.

Nevertheless, the feeling of being caught in the middle often occurs during the course of the divorce, but it may start to fade away as time goes by. Their offspring will feel torn between their parents, especially when their parents manipulate the children‘s loyalty in their conflict, forcing them to take sides. It will always be a difficult task to choose between their two parents, as deep inside each child, there is desires of wanting their parents to reconcile and get back together again like the status quo (Amato & Afifi, 2006).

The effects of a divorce on the children could vary and could have long term devastating consequences on their well-being (Amato & Previti, 2003; Fagan &

Churchill, 2012; Cameron, 2008). If the parents fail to attend to the children‘s emotional well-being during and after the divorce, the residual feelings of anger, insecurity, alienation, abandonment and confusion can be manifested up until the children reach adulthood and affect their own relationship with their spouse and offspring (Amato & Previti, 2003; Cameron, 2008). Some of these symptoms include parental absenteeism, destructive parenthood, poor parenting skills, lack of parental cooperation, poverty, and stress (Cameron, 2008).

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