SELECTION OF LIFE PARTNER VIS-À-VIS THE SUNNAH: A CASE STUDY OF IIUM MALAYSIAN
STUDENTS BY
KAZZMAN BIN KAMARUZZAMAN
A dissertation submitted in fulfilment of the requirement for the degree of Master of Islamic Revealed Knowledge
and Heritage (Qur’ān and Sunnah)
Kulliyyah of Islamic Revealed Knowledge and Human Sciences
International Islamic University Malaysia
APRIL 2011
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ABSTRACT
The focus of this study is to examine and to investigate the contemporary trends and factors that influence the International Islamic University Malaysia (IIUM) undergraduate Malaysian students in selecting a life partner. Within the last few years, patterns of mate selection and marriage rituals in the contemporary Muslim population in Malaysia and all around the world under consideration have begun to change significantly. Thus, a survey research is conducted involving IIUM undergraduate Malaysian students in order to gather information towards the significance of those trends. Survey research includes the distribution of questionnaire to the sample of study. The data collected from the sample size of 136 were analysed using a descriptive statistic method in Statistical Package for the Social Sciences (SPSS). The researcher also uses the library based research by reviewing previous literatures written on this topic. One of the significant findings throughout the research is that majority of the respondents agreed that Qur’Én and Sunnah are the guidelines that Muslim students need to refer when selecting a life partner but in the meantime;
majority of them also believed that “falling-in-love” is the main factor in deciding a life partner.
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APPROVAL PAGE
I certify that I have supervised and read this study and that in my opinion, it conforms to acceptable standards of scholarly presentation and is fully adequate, in scope and quality, as a dissertation for the degree of Master of Islamic Revealed Knowledge and Heritage in Qur’Én and Sunnah.
………...…………
Ismail Abdullah Supervisor
I certify that I have supervised and read this study and that in my opinion, it conforms to acceptable standards of scholarly presentation and is fully adequate, in scope and quality, as a dissertation for the degree of Master of Islamic Revealed Knowledge and Heritage in Qur’Én and Sunnah.
………...
Serdar Demirel Examiner
This dissertation was submitted to the Department of Qur’Én and Sunnah Studies and is accepted as a fulfilment of the requirement for the degree of Master of Islamic Revealed Knowledge.
………...
Mohd. Shah Jani
Head, Department of Qur’Én and Sunnah Studies
This dissertation was submitted to the Department of Qur’Én and Sunnah Studies and is accepted as a fulfilment of the requirement for the degree of Master of Islamic Revealed Knowledge.
………...
Badri Najib Zubir
Dean, Kulliyyah of Islamic Revealed Knowledge and Human Sciences
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DECLARATION
I hereby declare that this dissertation is the result of own investigation except where otherwise stated. I also declare that it has not been previously or concurrently submitted as a whole for my other degree at IIUM or other institutions.
Kazzman bin Kamaruzzaman
Signature ………. Date ……….
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INTERNATIONAL ISLAMIC UNIVERSITY MALAYSIA
DECLARATION OF COPYRIGHT AND AFFIRMATION OF FAIR USE OF UNPUBLISHED RESEARCH
Copyright © 2011 by Kazzman bin Kamaruzzaman. All rights reserved.
SELECTION OF LIFE PARTNER VIS-À-VIS THE SUNNAH: A CASE STUDY OF IIUM MALAYSIAN STUDENTS
I hereby affirm that The International Islamic University Malaysia (IIUM) hold all rights in the copyright of this Work and henceforth any reproduction or use in any form or by means whatsoever is prohibited without the written consent of IIUM. No part of this unpublished research may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior written permission of the copyright holder.
Affirmed by Kazzman bin Kamaruzzaman
………. ………
Signature Date
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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
All praise is to Allah, Lord of the Universe, and may peace and blessings be upon His beloved Prophet MuÍammad (PBUH), on the household of the Prophet, and on his faithful companions. I feel deeply indebted to Him for giving me the required strength to complete this study.
I acknowledge with great respect my supervisor, Assoc. Prof. Dr. Ismail Abdullah for his sincere guidance and supervision of my thesis. His invaluable insights and motivations have generated my self-confidence. He has inspired me with his best example and scholarly thoughts. May Allah bless him and his family with the best reward here and the hereafter!
My deepest and earnest appreciation goes to all lecturers in the Department of Qur’ān and Sunnah Studies in particular Head of the Department, Dr. Mohd. Shah Jani, Prof. Dr. Mohamed Abul Lais, Dr. Layth Suud Jassim, Dr. Shayuthy Abdul Manas, Dr. Sofiah Samsudin, Dr. Radwan Jamal, Dr. Ammar Fadzil Noor, Dr. Habeeb Rahman Ibramsa and Dr. Serdar Demirel.
My earnest and infinite gratitude goes to my parents, Kamaruzzaman Datuk Hashim and Dr. Khatijah Jumangat, for their love, prayers, and encouragement that kept me going, and my siblings; Kartina, Kartini, Muhammad Khairul Khaidir and Muhammad Khairulanam for their relentless support. My deepest gratitude is for my beloved wife, Norliyana binti Abdul Wahid for sharing my dreams with optimistic vision and hope.
Others who have contributed directly or indirectly to the completion of this research, whose names are innumerable to be mentioned in this limited space, I extend my special thank you very much. May Allah bless all of us!
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Abstract ………... ii
Abstract in Arabic ………... iii
Approval Page ……….. iv
Declaration ………... v
Copyright Page ……… vi
Acknowledgements ………. vii
Table of Contents ……… viii
List of Tables ……… x
Transliteration Table ……… xi
CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION ……… 1
1.1 Background of the Study ……… 1
1.2 Statement of the Problem ……… 4
1.3 Research Questions ……… 5
1.4 Objectives of the Research ……….... 6
1.5 Limitations of the Study ……… 6
1.6 Literature Review ……….. 6
1.7 Significance of the Research ……….. 14
1.8 Justification of the Research ………..……… 15
1.9 Methodology of the Research ……… 16
CHAPTER TWO: GENERAL VIEW ON MARRIAGE IN ISLAM ………. 19
2.1 Definition of Marriage ……… 19
2.2 Explanation of Qur’Énic Verses on Marriage ……… 21
2.3 Explanation of Prophetic AÍÉdÊth on Marriage ………... 30
2.4 The Purpose of Marriage in Islam ……….. 36
2.5 Conclusion ………. 47
CHAPTER THREE: THE ISLAMIC SELECTION CRITERIA IN SELECTING LIFE PARTNER ……….. 49
3.1 Explanation of Qur’Énic Verses and Prophetic AÍÉdÊth on the Selection Criteria ……… 49
3.2 A Brief Historical View on the Trends of Selecting Life Partner …….. 61
3.3 Contemporary Trends in Selecting Life Partner: Factors and Effects ... 66
3.4 Conclusion ………... 74
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CHAPTER FOUR: DATA ANALYSIS ...………... 76 4.1 Introduction ……….... 76 4.2 Background of the Respondents ……… 78 4.3 IIUM Malaysian Students’ Perception towards the Contemporary Trends in Selecting Life Partner ………. 81 4.4 IIUM Malaysian Students’ Views towards the Contemporary Trends in Selecting Life Partner ………. 83 4.5 Factors that Influence the IIUM Malaysian Students in Selecting Life Partner ... 85 4.6 IIUM Malaysian Students’ Opinion on the Importance of Qur’Én Sunnah in Selecting Life Partner ……… 86
4.7 Conclusion ……….. 95
CHAPTER FIVE: CONCLUSION AND RECOMMENDATION ………. 97 BIBLIOGRAPHY ……….. 103 APPENDIX ...……….. 113
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LIST OF TABLES
Table No. Page No.
4.1 Demographic characteristics background of the respondents 78
4.2 IIUM Malaysian students’ perceptions towards the contemporary 81 trends in selecting life partner
4.3 IIUM Malaysian students’ views towards the contemporary trends in 83 selecting life partner
4.4 Factors that influence the IIUM Malaysian students in selecting life 85 partner
4.5 IIUM Malaysian students’ opinion on the importance of Qur’Én and 86 and Sunnah in selecting life partner
4.6 The log on selected in-depth opinion by the respondents 88
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TRANSLITERATION
Table of the system of transliteration of Arabic words and names used by the International Islamic University Malaysia.
b =
ب
t =
ت
th =
ث
j =
ج
Í =
ح
kh =
خ
d =
د
dh =
ذ
r =
ر
z =
ز
s =
س
sh =
ش
Î =
ص
Ì =
ض
Ï =
ط
Ð =
ظ
‘ =
ع
gh =
غ
f =
ف
q =
ق
k =
ك
l =
ل
m =
م
n =
ن
h =
ه
w =
و
y =
ي
Short: a =
´
; i =ِ
; u =ُ
Long: É =
ا
; Ê =ي
; Ë =و
Diphthong: ay =
ي ا
; aw =و ا
1
CHAPTER ONE INTRODUCTION
1.1 BACKGROUND OF STUDY
Islam regards marriage as life’s most valuable institution and offers detailed guidelines to help it succeed as a lifelong commitment, with specific goals to be considered when selecting a life partner.
The focus of life for a Muslim is fulfilling one’s duties towards Allah; oneself;
the Ummah; and humanity, within the system of Allah, in order to attain contentment and happiness in this life and the next. Consequently, marriage should help reach this objective through providing a stable, affectionate relationship, and a peaceful home.1 Prophet MuÍammad (PBUH) instructed Muslims to select their spouses based on level of piousness. We can see this clearly in the following ÍadÊth:
“A woman is married for four things, i.e., for her wealth (property), for her rank (family status), for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character (otherwise) you will be a loser.”2
Logically speaking, as Islam allows marriage to a non-Muslim woman (people of the Book, i.e. Jews and Christians),3 it certainly has nothing against marrying a
1 Afzalur Rahman, Islam Ideology and the Way of Life (Singapore: Pustaka Nasional Pte Ltd, 1980), 383.
2 Al-BukhÉrÊ, MuÍammad ibn IsmÉ‘Êl, The Translation of the Meaning of ØaÍÊÍ al-BukhÉrÊ, translated from Arabic by Muhammad Muhsin Khan (New Delhi: Kitab Bhavan, 1984), vol. 7, KitÉb al-NikÉÍ, BÉb al-AkiffÉ’ fi al-DÊn, 18-19; Muslim, ibn al-×ajjÉj, AbË al-×usayn, ØaÍÊÍ Muslim, translated from Arabic by ‘Abd al-×amÊd ØiddÊqÊ (New Delhi: Adam Publishers & Distributors, 1999), vol. 2, pt. 2, KitÉb al-NikÉÍ, BÉb istiÍbÉb nikÉÍ dhÉt al-DÊn, 393; AbË DÉwËd, SulaymÉn bin al-Ash‘ath al- SajistÉnÊ, Sunan AbË DÉwËd, translated from Arabic by Ahmad Hasan (Lahore: SH. Muhammad Ashraf, 1984), vol. 2, KitÉb al-NikÉÍ, BÉb mÉ yu’mar bihi min tazwÊj dhÉt al-DÊn, 545; al-NasÉ’Ê, AbË
‘Abd al-RaÍmÉn AÍmad bin Shu‘ayb, al-Sunan al-KubrÉ, ed. ×asan ‘Abd al-Mun‘im ShalabÊ (BayrËt:
Muassasah al-RisÉlah, 2001), vol. 5, KitÉb al-NikÉÍ, BÉb ‘alÉ ma tunkiÍu al-mar’ah, 119.
3 Beshir, Ekram and Muhammad Rida, Blissful Marriage: A Practical Islamic Guide (Maryland:
Amana Publications, 2003), 75; KhÉlid, ×asan, al-ZawÉj bi Ghayr al-MuslimÊn (Makkah: Da‘wah al-
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fellow Muslim from a different race. Islam – in its early days – encouraged freeing slaves and marrying them to elevate their status.4 The Prophet (PBUH) himself married into families of other races and faiths. This must be a very clear lesson for all of us that the measure of preference is piety, and other traits follow in importance. The question is: how do we determine if someone has taqwÉ? Comparing a future spouse (male or female) to Prophet MuÍammad is actually essential for making a good marriage decision. The Prophet's biography is not just a nice story, but an eternal inspiration. His life is meant to be a comprehensive manual in exemplary Muslim behavior. His being a prophet of God should actually encourage us to look for partners who love his traits and follow his model. We should use his example as a blueprint for future spouses if we want our homes to be as happy as his house was. Consequently, a prospectful spouse's taqwÉ is determined by checking their behavior against the Prophet's Sunnah.
Marriage is a case-specific human interaction, each case is unique. We cannot generalise failure or success based on individual cases. Many couples of the same race or culture divorce every day, and many others are happy in inter-cultural marriages.5 The key factor for success in relationships is compatibility; healthy communication, personal traits and social conditions acceptable for both partners, and a similar focus for the relationship.6 Within this context, race and culture have a minor effect on the bonding of two human souls and minds.
×aq, 1987), 75-77. The only exception is that a Muslim male can marry a Jewish or Christian woman, on the grounds that the Muslims, Christians and Jewish believe in the revealed books and as such share, to a certain extent, a common outlook on life. This permission is only in cases where the husband, the head of the family, is a Muslim. A Muslim woman, on the other hand, is not permitted to marry a Christian or Jewish husband except when he embraces Islam.
4 Robertson W. Smith, Kinship and Marriage in Early Arabia, ed. Stanley A. Cook (London: Darf Publishers Ltd., 1990), 52.
5 Maqsood, Ruqaiyyah Waris, The Muslim Marriage Guide (New Delhi: Goodword Books, 2001), 20.
6 John Gray, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus (New York: Thorsons, 1998), 285-286.
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In the modern times, the criteria for selecting life partner tend to focus mainly on materialistic traits such as wealth, beauty, social rank, character, etc. The Holy Qur’Én, however, enjoins Muslims to select partners who are good and pure. Allah states in the Qur’Én:
“Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness and a provision honourable.”7
In addition, faith continues to play a decisive role in the entire system of family relationships. Islam has given freedom of choice to those who wish to get married. The mutual choice of the bride and groom to be is given the highest consideration. Islam does not allow anyone to be forced into a marriage. The process of spouse selection should be a function of a healthy balance between the freedom of choice of the would-be-spouses and consideration of the influence and consent of their parents. The freedom of choice of those who wish to get married should not rule out the influence and consent of the parents nor should the parents ignore the wishes and consent of the spouses to be. Since a marriage is a union between two people and their families, it is important for parents to understand the needs of their children and allow them to be with suitable spouses of their choice. The duty of parents is to help search for a suitable Muslim prospect using their expertise in life and unconditional love for their children; their opinion is essential and to be highly respected and considered.
However, acceptance or rejection of a spouse remains up to the person involved.
7 SËrah al-NËr, 24: 26.
4 1.2 STATEMENT OF THE PROBLEM
Within the last few years, patterns of mate selection and marriage rituals in the contemporary Muslim population in Malaysia and all around the world under consideration have begun to change significantly.
Generally speaking, the selection of life partners can be generalised into three categories; those who don’t care about the criteria in selecting their spouses, and then those who set the criteria for selecting their life partner, and finally those who claim themselves as religious and need religious and beautiful wife in order to lower their gaze. Most men would say that they just want a woman who is good, and that is because they don’t have clear criteria. Most women usually say they also want someone who is good and who will take care of them. Women say this however without set criteria in their minds. Some men and women look for life partners who are stylish, funny, good looking, cool, and patient. Some other women may say that they want a man who is ambitious, educated, religious, and responsible who will take care of her. Some people start getting too specific with regards to aspects like the colour of the eyes, the hair, the kind of car, and about money. Then there are religious men who say they want a religious woman that must also be beautiful. Their reason for this is that they have to lower their gaze and the beautiful wife will fulfill this.
Some other men only care about religion without caring about looks or any other criteria. These are all just some examples of what people say. Other important factor that contributes to selection criteria of selecting life partner in Malaysia is regional factor.
Consequently, the negative influence of the modern Western lifestyle also affected the Muslim communities in the Muslim world today and they are now paying the price in the form of lost Islamic identity, culture and civilisation. Recently in
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Muslim communities, Muslim youths are under the influence of modern philosophies, ideologies and the modern lifestyle.8 For instance, some Muslims choose their spouses in the same way of Western culture. More surprisingly, some of them have children from his beloved spouse before they legitimately get married. Definitely, they are not committed to the principles and essentials features of Islam. The true spirit of Islamic culture is alien to them. They are unaware that Islam provides guidelines for marriage through the Qur’Én and Sunnah. They do not realise that Islam does not accept to become a part of history; rather, it changes the course of history and creates its own history.
Therefore, the focus of this study is to understand and to investigate the contemporary trends and factors that influence the IIUM Malaysian students in selecting their life partners vis-à-vis the Sunnah.
1.3 RESEARCH QUESTIONS
1. What are the perceptions of IIUM Malaysian students about marriage in Islam?
2. What are the selection criteria in selecting life partner according to the Sunnah perspectives?
3. To what extent and what other factors that contribute in selecting life partner among IIUM Malaysian students?
4. What are the views and perceptions of IIUM Malaysian students using the Sunnah as guidance in selecting life partner?
8 Muhammad Mumtaz Ali, Critical Thinking: An Islamic Perspective (Selangor: Thinker’s Library Sdn.
Bhd., 2008), 113-114.
6 1.4 OBJECTIVES OF THE RESEARCH
1. To study the perceptions of IIUM Malaysian students about marriage in Islam.
2. To study how far the selection criteria in selecting life partner according to the Sunnah is practiced by IIUM Malaysian students.
3. To identify to what extent other factors contribute in selecting life partner by IIUM Malaysian students.
4. To gather views and perceptions of IIUM Malaysian students using the Sunnah methods in selecting life partner.
1.5 LIMITATIONS OF THE STUDY
This study will focus on the selection of life partner vis-à-vis the Sunnah among the undergraduate IIUM Malaysian students. The sample will be limited to only 1 percents of the population of the IIUM Malaysian students since the researcher has limited time to complete the study.
On the other hand, the researcher will concentrate on any previous literatures regarding to the topic of the research. Selected Prophetic aÍÉdÊth will be the part of this research in order to evaluate the contemporary trends in selecting life partner among the IIUM Malaysian students and to derive the guiding principles and values in this matter.
1.6 LITERATURE REVIEW
Selecting life partner is a very important matter, perhaps the most serious decision we will ever make in our life since our soul mate can cause us either to be successful or to fail miserably, in tests of this life, and consequently, in the hereafter. Few studies have
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been conducted and many books and articles have been published that discusses about this issue.
Munyratul Hidayah Mohamed9 had done a research about the factors that influence the Muslim students in choosing their spouses. This study was carried out at the Faculty of Education, Universiti Teknologi Malaysia (UTM). The findings of this research show that the factors in choosing spouses are based on Islamic Sharʑah, while other factors are based on age (83.75%), maturity (97.5%), level of education (90.0%), occupation (70%) and race (61.25%). The findings also show that the majority of the respondents will choose their spouses by themselves as the best method in choosing their soul mate, while most of the respondents agree with love after marriage is better than love before marriage.
Another work which is a Master Thesis entitled Ma‘ÉyÊr al-IkhtiyÉr al-Zawj fi Öaw’i al-Sunnah has been written by MuÍammad NËr RabÊ‘ al-‘ÓlÊ10 at Jinan University, Lebanon. This research discusses about the selection criteria in choosing marriage partner according to the Sunnah perspective. Variety of aÍÉdÊth has been discussed about the related issues, as well as the Qur’Énic verses in the realm of marriage and its scopes.
There is also a book entitled ÓdÉb al-ZafÉf fi al-Sunnah al-MuÏahharah written by MuÍammad NÉÎir al-DÊn al-AlbÉnÊ.11 This book contains of principles and guidelines of marriage according to the Sunnah perspective. In this book, the Íadīth
9 Munyratul Hidayah Mohamed. 2004. Faktor-faktor pemilihan jodoh di kalangan mahasiswa Islam UTM: satu kajian terhadap pelajar program khas pensiswazahan guru (PKPG), Fakulti Pendidikan, Universiti Teknologi Malaysia, Skudai, Johor. Degree dissertation, Technological University of Malaysia.
10 Al-‘ÓlÊ, MuÍammad NËr RabÊ‘. 2002. Ma‘āyÊr al-IkhtiyÉr al-Zawj fi Öaw’i al-Sunnah, Faculty of Arts and Humanities, Jinan University, Lebanon. Master’s dissertation. Jinan University.
11 Al-AlbÉnÊ, NÉÎir al-DÊn, ÓdÉb al-ZafÉf fi al-Sunnah al-MuÏahharah (BayrËt: DÉr al-IslÉmÊ, 2002).
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narrations, which are quoted from numerous books of ÍadÊth collection, provide more supporting explanations to the Qur’Énic interpretation.
Another book entitled Manhaj al-Sunnah fi al-ZawÉj12 offers more comprehensive study about the concept of marriage from the Sunnah perspective. The book highlights various methods of selecting life partner according to the Islamic ways particularly taken from the history of the Prophet (PBUH) during his life. This work gives the definition and explanation on what essentially marriage according to Islam. From the researcher’s point of view, this book is really helpful in order to understand the concept of selecting life partner from the Islamic perspective. Various Qur’Énic verses and aÍÉdÊth have been mentioned throughout the discussion in every single chapter which is remarkable.
Al-GhazÉlÊ’s Book on the Etiquette of Marriage (KitÉb AdÉb al-NikÉÍ) taken from his larger work, IÍyÉ’ ‘UlËm al-DÊn,13 is one of vital works that examines the concept of marriage in Islam. The Book on the Etiquette of Marriage describes the facets and ramifications of marriage and sexual ethics within the institution of marriage, and within Islam, as visualised in al-GhazÉlÊ’s time. This includes a general description of marriage from the matrix of canon law, social customs and proprieties, with its foundation in religion. The book relies heavily on fiqh and ÍadÊth, and peruses Islamic moral and ethical codes of behaviour, including Sufi viewpoints, the status of women, and marriage with all its ramifications; the marriage contract, sexual relations, childbirth, divorce, virginity, adultery, and so forth. The Islamic marital code as described by al-GhazÉlÊ brings into focus the roles of man and woman that were practiced but which had not been totally delineated.
12 AbË al-NËr, MuÍammad al-AÍmadÊ, Manhaj al-Sunnah fi al-ZawÉj (al-QÉhirah: DÉr al-TurÉth, 1974).
13 Al-GhazÉlÊ, AbÊ ×āmid MuÍammad bin MuÍammad, IÍyÉ’ ‘UlËm al-DÊn (BayrËt: DÉr al-Kutub al-
‘Ilmiyyah, 3rd edn., 2002), vol. 2.
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The researcher will also refer to Malay literatures which discuss about marriage in Islam and its importance regarding to the selection of life partner. For instance, Abdul Jalil bin Mohd. Hassan14 wrote a book entitled Perkahwinan Dalam Islam Berdasarkan Kepada Dalil, Hukum, Hikmat dan Panduan Kebahagiaan. This book discusses about the importance of marriage in Islam from the perspective of Qur’Én and Sunnah. It also contains of the history of Prophet MuÍammad regarding to the marriage issues.
Apart from that, Siti Zalikhah’s Kaunseling Perkahwinan Menurut Perspektif Islam15 provides the concept of marriage according to Islamic perspective. This book is basically intended to Muslims in Malaysia in order to understand their policy platform in the formation of the institution of marriage in accordance with the strips that already exists in Islam. The author stresses out the principles of ideal marriage from the perspective of Islam that the researcher thinks is already known as the display given in the chapter one about the purpose of marriage. Likewise, one of the purposes of marriage is to fulfill the nature of human emotions such as to get the peace of mind and love.
There are a variety of works are done to study the concept of marriage from the Islamic point of view. Among them, Ekram Beshir and Mohamed Rida Beshir have done a remarkable work by writing a book entitled Blissful Marriage: A Practical Islamic Guide16 which provides the tools to achieve blissful marriage in a pragmatic and graceful way. This book does an excellent job of providing a comprehensive study of marriage in Islam. The authors should be commended for
14 Abdul Jalil Mohd. Hasan, Perkahwinan Dalam Islam Berdasarkan Kepada Dalil, Hukum, Hikmat dan Panduan Kebahagiaan (Kuala Lumpur: A.S. Noordeen, 1993).
15 Siti Zalikhah Md. Nor, Kaunseling Perkahwinan Menurut Perspektif Islam (Kuala Lumpur: Institut Pengajian Ilmu-Ilmu Islam, 2nd edn, 1996).
16 Beshir, Ekram and Muhammad Rida, Blissful Marriage: A Practical Islamic Guide (Maryland:
Amana Publications, 2003).
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using a multitude of approaches to cover the subject matters. From statistical research, Qur’Én, ÍadÊth, and scholarly opinions, to current practical advice, that will definitely help the researcher in order to complete this valuable research.
Other than that, The Quest for Love and Mercy: Regulations for Marriage and Wedding in Islam17 provides a necessary study covering various aspects of marriage faithfully adhering to the Qur’Én and Sunnah. In this volume, the importance and advantage of selecting a spouse, courting process, marriages contract, wedding celebration, ÍalÉl and ÍarÉm are discussed. This 3-book series are set up in a user friendly style citing all the relevant verses from Qur’Én and ÍadÊth.
Besides that, Ali Akbar Mazaheri’s work, Youth and Spouse Selection,18 suggests to the youth the solutions to only one of the burning problems of the day from an Islamic perspective and angle of view. The subject forms the crust of youth problems, and obviously is the most vitally important multidimensional problem from biological, social and ethical points of view. It deals with the solution of their socio- economic problems regarding execution of marriage, the most interesting topic for the youth. They have been convinced in it to marry a suitable spouse, at a proper, genuine and exact time. At least, they can get their nerves soothed up by a proper company in these turbulent days when the world is burning in the flames of wars, famines, diseases and social injustices. Thus, proper marriage can be a cure to many diseases haunting the youth, being am completing and maturity-creating factor. Islam has provided the answer to all questions pertaining to human life, so has it to this one. The author has put in hard and sincere endeavours to visualise the Islamic solutions to this aspect of human life, particularly the innocent youth of this age, who are being
17 Al-JibÉlÊ, MuÍammad MusÏafÉ, The Quest for Love and Mercy: Regulations for Marriage and Wedding in Islam (Riyadh: al-KitÉb and al-Sunnah Publishing, 2000).
18 Mazaheri, Ali Akbar, Youth and Spouse Selection (Ontario: The Islamic Humanitarian Service, 1999).
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misguided and perturbed and perverted by the immoral techno-propaganda of the imperialists who have their axe to grind and achieve their selfish and nasty objects all around the globe.
In the realm of marriage, there are certain questions that we should ask to ourselves before getting married. Likewise, Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine in her book, Before the Wedding: Questions for Muslims to Ask before Getting Married,19 avows that these thoughts-provoking and challenging questions will inspire potential couples to gain a deeper understanding of each other. These questions also will help us clearly determine our own beliefs and values as well as the qualities we are seeking in a spouse.
In addition, there is a work of John Gray that examines the essential elements of men and women in order to be successful in a relationship, which is entitled Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.20 In this book, John provides a practical and proven way for men and women to communicate better by acknowledging the differences between them. Based on years of counseling couples and research, he gives advice on how to counteract these differences in communication styles, emotional needs and modes of behaviour to promote a greater understanding between partners. His simple suggestions for reducing conflict, information on interpreting behaviour and secrets to successful relationships will partly enrich my research based on the topic of successful marriage.
Apart from the above, there are several journals referred to by the researcher for this study. Selected articles regarding this topic from these journals will be reviewed. For instance, article entitled Love Match and Arranged Marriage in a
19 Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine, Before the Wedding: Questions for Muslims to Ask Before Getting Married (California: Izza Publishing, 2006).
20 John Gray, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus (New York: Thorsons, 1998).
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Modernizing Nation: Mate Selection in Ankara, Turkey. This article had been written by Greer Litton Fox21 from the Department of Sociology, Bowling Green State University. It had been published in the Journal of Marriage and the Family on February 1975. This paper examines three questions relative to mate selection in contemporary Turkey: Among which population segments are love match versus traditional arranged marriages found? What impact does self-selection of mate have on conjugal homogamy? And, what impact does the type of marriage arrangement have on marriage behaviour? Sample survey data from Ankara, Turkey, were utilised in the analysis. Results suggest that the adoption of innovation in marriage patterns is greatest among the more modern segments of the population, that homogamy22 is as great among self-selected as among kin-selected spouses, and that the type marriage arrangement has a small but independent impact on marriage behaviour. A sequential model of the development of modernism in marital behaviour was suggested.
Another article referred by the researcher is Continuity and Change: Pattern of Mate Selection and Marriage Ritual in a Malay Village. This article had been written by Heather Strange23 from the Department of Anthropology, Rutgers University, New Jersey, USA. It also had been published in the Journal of Marriage and the Family on August 1976. This research was conducted over fourteen months during 1965-66 and also during the spring of 1975 and was sponsored by Fulbright fellowship. The data of the research were collected primarily through participant observation, open-ended interviews and discussions with selected informants. A description is given of the village, its occupants, and traditional patterns of mate selection and marriage rituals in
21 Greer Litton Fox, “Love match and arranged marriage in a modernizing nation: mate selection in Ankara, Turkey,” Journal of Marriage and the Family, vol. 37, no. 1 (1975): 180-193.
22 The term homogamy means people are attracted to, become involved with, and marry those who are similar to them in age, race, religion, social class, and other characteristics.
23 Heather Strange, “Continuity and change: pattern of mate selection and marriage ritual in a Malay village,” Journal of Marriage and the Family, vol. 38, no. 3 (1976): 561-571.
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the area. The second section deals with changing patterns, those of young village women with postsecondary education and wage-paying jobs. Because examples are few, conclusions are given as a series of propositions about patterns most likely to become firmly established during the next few years. Advanced education with its promise of economic independence is viewed as basic in giving young people decision-making power about mates and rituals.
In another article written by Robert Schoen and Robin M. Weinick,24 Partner Choice in Marriages and Cohabitations, shows that patterns of partner choice can illuminate the relationship between cohabitation and marriage. If cohabitations are
“informal marriages,” partner choice in cohabitations should resemble partner choice in marriages. However, if cohabitation is a distinct relationship, a “looser bond,” then partner choice in cohabitations should give more emphasis to short-term and achieved characteristics (such as education) and less emphasis to long-term and ascribed characteristics (such as age, religion, and race). Data from the National Survey of Families and Households are used to examine partner choice in both cohabitations and marriages. The results support the “looser bond” view of cohabitation as a distinct type of relationship. Compared to recently married persons, cohabitators show both a greater propensity to choose a partner with the same education and a lesser propensity to choose a partner with the same age or religion.
Besides that, there is an article written by Debra L. Blackwell and Daniel T.
Lichter25 entitled Mate Selection among Married and Cohabiting Couples. This article examines comparative patterns of educational and racial assortative mating or homohamy among married and cohabiting couples and evaluates whether women and
24 Robert Schoen & Robin M. Weinick, “Partner choice in marriages and cohabitations,” Journal of Marriage and the Family, vol. 55, no. 2 (1993): 408-414.
25 Debra L. Blackwell & Daniel T. Lichter, “Mate selection among married and cohabiting couples,”
Journal of Family Issues, vol. 21, no. 3 (2000): 275-302.
