al-Ghazali’s parenting skills attributes model

(1)

AL-GHAZALI’S PARENTING SKILLS ATTRIBUTES MODEL (Model Atribut Kemahiran Keibubapaan al-Ghazali)

1 JAMIAH MANAP

2 SIDEK BABA

1 School of Psychology and Human Development, Faculty of Social Sciences and Humanities, National University of Malaysia, 43600 Bangi, Selangor Darul Ehsan

2 Institute of Education, International Islamic University of Malaysia, Jalan Gombak, 53100, Kuala Lumpur

ABSTRACT

Parenting skills is the basis of effective education and human potential development in family. Early education which begins at home is like stonework more impressive and everlasting. This is then followed by continuous guidance during adolescent and adulthood from the parents. Meanwhile, Imam al-Ghazali is a Muslim scholar which also discusses certain aspects of parenting skills. His multidiscipline works range from the field of religion to education, psychology, spirituality and philosophy.

Thus, al-Ghazali’s Parenting Skill’s Attributes Model was developed as a basis to understand parenting from al-Ghazali’s perspectives. The model encompassed four main element of Muslim parenting: knowledge and education, relationship with Allah, relationship with children and relationship with others. Each domain was inter- related in empowering and completing the challenging task of today’s parenting. In summary, effective parenting skills is a must in developing strong, beneficial and mindful generation. In the meantime, multiple approaches should be critically analysed to enrich the corpus of knowledge in this field.

Keywords: Model; parenting skill; family development; potential development;

educational psychology

Corresponding author: Jamiah Manap, School of Psychology and Human Development, Faculty of So- cial Sciences and Humanities, National University of Malaysia,43600 Bangi, Selangor Darul Ehsan,Ma- laysia, mel-e: jamiah@ukm.edu.my

Received: 27 Oktober2014 Accepted: 24 Jun 2015

(2)

ABSTRAK

Kemahiran keibubapaan asas keberkesanan pendidikan dan pembentukan potensi modal insan dalam keluarga. Pendidikan awal kanak-kanak yang bermula di rumah umpama pahatan pada batu yang bersifat lebih kekal dan mengesankan. Ini diikuti dengan pengukuhan watak dan keperibadian melalui bimbingan yang berterusan pada peringkat usia remaja dan dewasa oleh ibu bapa. Imam al-Ghazali merupakan sarjana Islam yang turut mengkaji tentang aspek kemahiran keibubapaan. Karya- karya tersohor beliau melangkaui pelbagai bidang seperti psikologi, pendidikan, spiritual dan falsafah. Rentetan itu, Model Kemahiran Keibubapaan al-Ghazali telah dibangunkan sebagai asas untuk memahami kemahiran keibubapaan daripada perspektif Imam al-Ghazali. Model ini mengandungi empat domain utama iaitu ilmu, hubungan ibu bapa dengan Allah, hubungan ibu bapa dengan anak dan hubungan ibu bapa dengan yang lain-lain. Setiap domain saling berhubung antara satu sama lain dalam memperkasa dan menyempurnakan tugasan keibubapaan yang kian mencabar. Kesimpulannya, kemahiran keibubapaan berkesan perlu dikuasai oleh segenap lapisan masyarakat dalam kerangka pembentukan generasi yang terpuji lagi dirahmati. Dalam masa yang sama, pelbagai pendekatan perlu dikaji dan diteliti untuk memperkayakan lagi korpus ilmu dalam bidang ini.

Kata kunci: Model; kemahiran keibubapaan; pembangunan keluarga; pembangunan potensi; psikologi pendidikan

INTRODUCTION

Parenting is a duty of every parent. Effective parenting requires parenting skills attributes in nurturing the children to success in the world and hereafter. However, there were limited model of Muslim parenting skills attributes from the previous literature. Meanwhile, al-Ghazali or Abu Hamid Muhammad ibn Mohammad al- Ghazali was a prominent Muslim scholar of the 11^th century (1058-1111 C.E.). His books cover various aspects of human psychology, spirituality and development.

Thus, the research question arise: What is the model of Muslim parenting skills attributes from al-Ghazali’s perspectives?

To answer the research question, the researcher developed al-Ghazali’s Parenting Skills Attributes Model from al-Ghazali’s work as a basis to understand parenting skills attributes from the Islamic perspectives and worldview. The researcher focuses on Ihyā’ulūm ad-dīn because it was his magnum opus (Greenland 2000).

As an important document of Islamic civilization for many years, Ihyā’Ulūm Dīn invites numerous recognition and also critics. Some Islamic scholar such as Ibn al-Jawzī (al-Jawzi & al-Rahman 1928) and Ibn Kathīr (Kathir & Hafiz 1966) criticized many hadith categorize as ḍaʻif in Ihyā’Ulūm Dīn. Due to that, the researcher only takes the hadith which was categorized as ṣaḥīḥ and ḥasan in al-Ghazali’s work to make the model more accurate.

Al-Ghazali’s Model of Parenting Skills Attributes Relationship

with Allah

Relationship with Others Relationship

with Children

(3)

METHODOLOGY

A research was done through document analysis in qualitative research method.

Document analysis is a systematic procedure to evaluate relevant documents which related with the research objectives (Bowen 2009) and research question. Document analysis is an efficient method, easily access, cost-effective, stable and provides broad coverage (Bowen 2009). Besides document analysis, grounded theory approach was also done with successful Muslim parents in Malaysia to strengthen the model.

The document analysis done using Ihyā’Ulūm ad-Dīn volume 1, 2, 3 and 4.

During the document analysis, the researcher read the book from line to line to define any relevant data which is suitable to answer the research question. Thematic analysis approach is then used during the coding process.

There’s three coding level in thematic analysis: open coding, axial coding and selective coding. In open coding, the researcher explore, making comparison between meanings of Ihyā’Ulūm Dīn line by line. Any statements which related with parenting skills attributes were coded. At the initial stage, about 96 codes were determined.

Any codes with the same meaning were integrated as one code. After the integration, there’s only about 18 codes were left.

In axial coding, each code from open coding were re-analyse carefully to find the relationship between each codes. Six codes describes about parent’s relationship with Allah, seven codes described about parent’s relationship with children and five codes described about parent’s relationship with others. Thus, the codes categories into three codes: relationship with Allah, relationship with children and relationship with others.

In selective coding, the main themes from the codes were determined. Then, relationship between the themes were identified and compared with other literature from al-Ghazali. At this stage, this model was emerged (Figure 1):

FIGURE 1 al-Ghazali’s Model of Parenting Skills Attributes

Al-Ghazali’s Model of Parenting Skills Attributes Relationship

with Allah

with Children

(4)

This model is used as a conceptual framework in exploring Ibu Mithali’s parenting skills attributes. Ibu Mithali is a special award for Malaysian Muslim exemplary mother who was successfully nurture their children despite hardship. After the research on Ibu Mithali were completed, the researcher revisited the model and make some modification for the first model based on the Ibu Mithali research finding and al-Ghazali’s works. As a result, the second model was emerged (Figure 2).

FINDING AND DISCUSSION

Al-Ghazali’s Model of Parenting Skills Attributes (Figure 2) consists of four important elements which call upon parents’ adherence in nurturing the children. These elements encompass knowledge and education, relationship with Allah, relationship with children and relationship with others. All admissions from the ḥadith (Rasulullah’s words and deeds or prophetic traditions) and the Quran verses used in the model were adapted from al-Ghazali’s (1998), magnum opus, Ihyā’Ulūm ad-Dīn (Volume I –The Book of Worship, Volume II-The Book of Worldly Usage, and Volume IV-The Book of Constructive Virtues).

FIGURE 2 al-Ghazali’s Model of Parenting Skills Attributes

Knowledge and education are the central figure. It is empirical in strengthening parents-children relationship with Allah, parents’ relationship with children and, parents-children relationship with others. In other words, the culture of knowledge must be developed in the family. Parents and children must continuously increase their knowledge through formal or in formal education.

Al-Ghazali assumed knowledge as axis and everything will revolve around it.

The main purpose of human creation is to worship Allah. Meanwhile knowledge is a prerequisite to achieve perfection in worship because without knowledge and ma^ʽrifah (knowledge on Allah), the act of worship is meaningless. Al- Ghazali then stressed on three important field of knowledge which is tawḥid or maʽrifah to Allah, taṣawuf or the knowledge which related with human heart such as sincere and tawakkal, and

Knowledge

&

Education Relationship

with Allah

with Children

(5)

shara^ʽ‘Islamic law’ such as permissible and non-permissible in the matter of ibadah

‘worship Allah’, mu^ʽamalah ‘social relation’, munakaḥat ‘marriage’ and jenayah

‘criminal law’.

In strengthening relationship with Allah (Figure 3), parents must have at least basic knowledge on tawhid, taṣawuf and sharaʽ. To strengthen relationship with children, parents must attain basic knowledge on childcare, child growth and development, as well as the right of the children. In strengthening relationship with others, parents must have basic knowledge on their responsibility to others.

Relationship with Allah which is propelled into higher level will develop the essential quality of God-consciousness or muttaqīn. The most honoured among men in the sight of Allah is regarded as someone whose befall upon him the highest God-consciousness or the most muttaqin person (al-Hujurat: 13). The said quality of high God-consciousness is very important in today’s era as it becomes the pillar for human locus of control in managing his intention, attitude and behaviour, even though no-one else by his side. In other words, by becoming a God-conscious or muttaqin person, he will be a genuine person. This quality will also give him a perfect and tranquil soul, whereby he will always aware that he is under the observation and constant surveillance of Allah. However, as a human being, sometimes they make mistakes, but they quickly repent and improve their selves. This in return will make him a pious person with good ethics and conduct. Without a doubt, parents who are able to acquire such trait will definitely set to be a very good role model to their children.

FIGURE 3 Relationship with Allah

Knowledge Culture

The appreciation of knowledge and its cultivation is essential for parents in guiding the family to ensure success in the world and the hereafter. Knowledge raise

Relationship with Allah Knowledge

Culture

Strong Faith

Prayer

Fasting Recital of

Al-Quran Good Ethic of Conduct

(6)

human status (al-Mujādilah: 11), liberate human from the dangers of ignorant, and brings human towards high God-consciousness (Fāṭir: 28). Al-Ghazali said that:

The honour of a man is because of his knowledge and intellect.

The rank of piety will be decrease without knowledge. Piety without knowledge is not piety.

Spiritual knowledge is the root and worldly knowledge is its branch.

(Repentance, Chapter I, the Book of Constructive Virtues, Volume IV, Ihyā’Ulūm ad-Dīn).

The food of the heart is knowledge and wisdom. As food keeps the body alive, these two things similarly keep the heart alive. He who misses knowledge has got his heart disease and its end is its death.

Happiness will never be attained except through knowledge and works, and works are impossible without the knowledge of how they are done.

The basis of happiness in this world and the next is knowledge.

(Acquisition of Knowledge, Chapter I, the Book of Worship, Volume I, Ihyā’Ulūm ad-Dīn).

STRONG FAITH

Parents who have successfully illustrated strong faith would be able to endure any predicament and difficulties, especially in the process of nurturing the children. Parent with strong faith will always stay calm (ar-Ra^ʽd: 28), having high God-consciousness (al-Ḥūjurāt: 13) and live their life in accordance to the teaching of Islamic values and principles (^ʽᾹli ^ʽImrān: 103). Thus, strong faith empowers the parents to guide their children towards attaining blessed life in the grace of Allah the Almighty. Al-Ghazali wrote in his book:

Iman or belief is founded on four pillars: knowledge of essence of God, knowledge and believe of His attributes, knowledge and faith in His works and believe in the things accepted on authority.

(Acquisition of Learning, Chapter I, the Book of Worship, Volume I, Ihyā’Ulūm ad-Dīn).

A man of spiritual world knows that God is the Creator of everything and there is no master of action except Him.

(7)

The essence of Tauhid is within mind. What is known to be true will does benefit. Tauhid becomes perfect when it is known that nothing happens except by the command of God.

(Repentance, Chapter I, the Book of Constructive Virtues, Volume IV, Ihyā’Ulūm ad-Dīn).

Prayer

A perfect and consistent prayer purifies human soul and brings a person closer to the acquisition of high God-consciousness. By itself, prayers become a powerful shield for parents to protect themselves and the children from delinquency (al-^ʽAnkabūt:

45). Al-Ghazali wrote in his book:

Prayer is the pillar of religion, the basis of faith, the tree to nearness to Allāh and the excellent light of obedience.

The Prophet said: “As water removes impurities, so prayer for five times remove sins”.

(Sunan Ibn Mājah, Kitab on Establishing the Prayer and the Sunnah Regarding Them, No 1461).

The Prophet said: Prayer is a key to paradise

(Jamiʻat-Tirmidhī, The Book on Purification, Chapter on What Has been Related That The Key To Solat Is Purification, No 4).

There are many works signifying the life of prayer, humility of mind, understanding what is said, honour, hope and shame.

(Prayer, Chapter IV, Book of Worship, Volume I, Ihyā’Ulūm ad-Dīn).

Fasting

The act of fasting empowers the parents and their children to attain power over desire which consequently enshrine the family with the quality of muttaqīn. Meanwhile at the individual level, a person with high God-consciousness (al-Baqarah: 183). This is significantly crucial as this practice purifies and protects human soul from evil and lustful desire. Al-Ghazali stated that:

Fasting opened the door of paradise. The road of Satan to the heart is their strong desire. And by preventing their desire, the soul will be peace, showing its gallant in defeating his ambitious enemy.

(8)

Prophet say: Fast is half of patience.

(Jamiʻ at-Tirmidhī, Chapters on Supplication, 3519).

Of all the regulations of religion, fast keeps special connection with God.

(Fasting, Chapter VI, Book of Worship, Volume I, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

Ḥajj

The ḥajj enables the parents’ cognitive behaviour and their thinking abilities beyond the horizon and allows them to act across the boundaries of self, race, nationality and status towards Allah the Most Merciful. A sincere ḥajj will transform the parents and further assist to educate the children in the dissection of Islamic teaching and religion.

Furthermore, this selfless act nurtures a continuous relationship with Allah as well as highlight on the exceptional relationship with another human being (al-Baqarah: 197 and ^ʽᾹli ^ʽImrān: 197). Al-Ghazali said that:

Pilgrimage is one pillar of Islam, the beauty of divine service for the whole life, the end of actions, the perfection of Islam and the foundation of religion.

(Secret of Pilgrimage, Chapter VI, Book of Worship, Volume I, Ihyā’

ʽulūm ad-dīn).

Recital of al-Quran

Quran recitation enable the parents to purify heart, evade wrongdoings and guide them and their children to the right path (al-Baqarah: 2). By reciting the holy Quran on daily basis, it will advance the faculty of human intellect and further encourages them to think using the Islamic worldview as well as behave in accordance with Islamic teaching. Al-Ghazali wrote in his book:

It is a light and therein there is cure of the diseases of mind. Those who advised according to it told truth. Those who held it firm, found guidance. Those who acted up to it got salvation.

The Prophet said: “[Whoever recites a letter] from Allah’s Book, then he receives the reward from it, and the reward of ten the like of it. I do not say that Alif Lam Mim is a letter, but Alif is a letter, Lam is a letter and Mim is a letter.”

(9)

(Jāmi’ at- Tirmidhī, Chapters on The Virtues of The Quran, 3158).

(Reciting the Quran, Chapter VIII, Book of Worship, Volume I, Ihyā’

ʽulūm ad-dīn)

Good Ethic of Conduct

Strong faith and the practice of religious teaching develop good ethic of conduct.

This is aligned with the mission of Rasulullah to bring into existence a perfect human behaviour as epitomized by him in his lifetime (al-Qalam: 4) to be exemplified by other human being (al-‘Ahzāb: 21). Good ethic of conduct enables the parent to nurture their children in a positive way and resume their role as a role model to their children. Al-Ghazali wrote in his book:

God says: Those who are patience will be given rewards without measure.

(Fasting, Chapter VI, Book of Worship, Volume I, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

The Prophet said: The most perfect believer in faith is one who is the best of them in good conduct.

(Jamiʻ at-Tirmidhī, Book on Righteousness And Maintaining Good Relations With Relatives, Chapter on What Has Been Related About al- Fuhsh (Obscenity) and at-Tafahhush (Uttering Obscenities), No 1975.

(Love & Brotherhood, Chapter V, the Book of Worldly Usage, Volume II, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

Good conduct is half of religion, fruit of the efforts of God-fearing men and an important quality of the worshippers of God. Bad conduct is a ruinous poison, a dangerous wound in brain and much condemned evil.

(Soul & Its Attributes, Chapter I, the Book of Destructive Evil, Volume III, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn)

Relationship with Children

Maintaining close relationship with children enables the parent to effectively nurture their children. There are seven imperative elements in the parent-child relationship to ensure the bondings with the children are holistically developed. It covers lawful earning, show of affection, maintain close relationship, discipline the children, equal treatment, fulfil their needs and develop their potential (Figure 4).

(10)

FIGURE 4 Relationship with Children

Permissible Earning

Parent is responsible to seek permissible earning for their children. This is because permissible earning is considered as part of Muslim struggle or jihad. It thrust both parents and their children to Allah’s embrace while shielding the souls from negative elements. Al-Ghazali wrote in his book:

Permissible earning is compulsory subject as a thing of wisdom for a wise man out of other compulsory things.

God says: Eat of the good things and do good deeds. (al-Muʻminūn:

51).

The wise Luqman advised his son: O dear son, shut up poverty by lawful earnings, because he who is poor earns three habits-lazily in religious actions, weakness in intellect and loss of manliness.

Four things are necessary in earnings: lawful earning, justice, kindness and fear of religion.

Earnings can be searched in six ways: Bargaining in buy and sale, trade on interest, taking advance payment, to work on wages for labour and to accept pay and rental, to do business through others advancing capital and joining business in fixing shares. To know the rules of syariat in these concerns is compulsory, as to search knowledge is compulsory for every Muslim.

(Permissible and Not Permissible, Chapter IV, Book of Worldly Usage, Volume II, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn)

Relationship with Children Permissible

Earning Show of

Affection

Maintain Close Relationship

Discipline the Children Equal

Treatment Potential

Development Fulfilment of

the Children Need

(11)

Show of Affection

Parent at all-time must demonstrate affection to their children in order to build stronger attachment which is essential in constructing healthy emotional development.

Children especially at the early age require parental kindness, kisses and hugs, moral support and undivided attention to allow them to mature with high self-esteem. Al- Ghazali wrote:

Help (people) at the time of distress and calamities.

Love for the believers what you like for yourself and dislike for the believers what you dislike for yourself.

(Duties to relatives, neighbours, slaves and Muslims, Chapter VI, Book of Worldly Usage Volume II, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

A man complained against his son to the Prophet. He asked: Have you invoked against him? He said: Yes. He said: You have ruined him. It is commendable to show kindness to the son.

The Prophet said: He who is not kind will not get kindness.

(Ṣāḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, Book of Manner and Form, Chapter On To Be Merciful To Children And Embrace Them, No 5997).

(Duties to Relatives, Neighbours, Slaves and Muslims, Chapter VI, Book of Worldly Usage Volume II, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

If love is strong, it spreads more. Love for God is similar. When love envelopes the heart, it rules the heart and it even spread over everything.

(Love and Brotherhood, Chapter VI, Book of Worldly Usage Volume II, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

Maintain Close Relationship

Parent is responsible to maintain close relationship with their children and see them through until they become a responsible adult. This is important because parent- child relationship is a bond that will never end, even after the demise either one of them. If this kinship is broken, the parent would not be allowed to enter the promised paradise Ṣahih al-Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 13 and it will further severe the relation with Allah Ṣahih al-Bukhari, Book 73, Number 16. On the other hand, if this noble-kinship is maintained and treasured, it will bring wealth and prolonged life span Ṣāḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 14. Al-Ghazali wrote:

(12)

Prophet say: If a man has got three daughters or sisters and keeps patience at the loss by supplying their demands, Allah will admit him in paradise.

(Ṣāḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, Book of Knowledge, Book of Knowledge, Chapter on to Travel Seeking an Answer To A Problematic Matter, and to Teach it to One’s Family, Number 88)

If child is born, five rules have to be observed. (1) It is not good to be pleased with the birth of the son and to be displeased with the birth of the daughter, (2) To give azan to the ears of the children, (3) Give good name to the child, (4) aqiqah, and besmear the vertex of the child head with dates or sweet things.

(Secret of Marriage, Chapter VI, Book of Worldly Usage Volume II, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

Discipline the Children

Discipline is an act where parent could mentor, supervise the children behaviour and incorporate positive values through religious teaching, enjoining good while at the same time enlighten the children to realize the importance of avoiding sinful act. In the era of digital and technology where children are constantly exposed to evil deeds in the internet and new media, parents have to take pre-emptive measures to curb this.

Discipline starts at home and this is where parents come into the picture to foster good values. Eventually, the children will be able to differentiate between right and wrong as well as ward off negative influences. Al-Ghazali wrote:

The teaching of faith is like planting a seed into the heart until it grows, strong and high, becomes a high quality tree, its root in the earth and its branch in the sky.

(Acquisition of Learning, Chapter I, the Book of Worship, Volume I, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

The nature of soul is divided into four kinds: (1) power of discerning knowledge, (2) power of administration or anger, (3) power of greed and (4) power of adjustment of the above three natures.

If knowledge finds full display and becomes mature, truth can be ascertained from falsehood, good from bad. So knowledge is the root of good conduct.

God says: Whoever is given wisdom has been given abundant good.

(al-Baqarah: 269).

(13)

(Soul & Its Attributes, Chapter I, the Book of Destructive Evil, Volume III, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

One who prevents wrong and evils should have the following qualifications-(1) knowledge that the act is wrong (2) God-fear and (3) good conduct.

(Enjoining Good & Forbidding Evil, Chapter X, The Book of Worldly Usage, Volume II, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

There are five stages of enjoining well and forbidding evil: (1) giving simple advice, (2) give sermon with sweet words, (3) abuse and mere out harsh treatment, (4) force and prevent, and (5) assault, beat and threaten.

(Enjoining Good & Forbidding Evil, Chapter X, The Book of Worldly Usage, Volume II, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

He who cannot control his eyes cannot save his. Sexual passion is stronger in human mind than other passions and curbs intellect at the time of excitement.

(Soul & Its Attributes, Chapter I, the Book of Destructive Evil, Volume III, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

Wisdom becomes perfect at the advent of 40 years of age, and it begins after the age of maturity and takes its root at the age of seven years”.

(Repentance, Chapter I, the Book of Constructive Virtues, Volume IV, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

Purity of mind cannot be attained if one cannot control himself from worldly passions and temptations.

(Attachment of the World, Chapter V, the Book of Destructive Evil, Volume III, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

Equal Treatment

Equal treatment is measured through the undivided attention given to all children. The approach advocated that each child must not be treated collectively method as each of the child is unique in its own personality and behaviour. Parents are responsible to treat their children well and since the child has different personality, the approach must be based on the view that they be taken as an individual and as personal as

(14)

possible. Failure to recognize the children differences will hamper the growth of their uniqueness, separate needs, beautiful personality, skilful talent, and different level of competency. Al-Ghazali wrote in his book:

Treat well with all and speak to everyone according to his intellect.

Do justice to the people willingly and come to them with what they love.

Potential Development

The identification of each child’s potential and its development lies at parents’

judgement. This untapped area must be carefully developed to ensure consistency at the utmost level. Al-Ghazali wrote in his book:

A child is your flower until he reaches the age of seven, you will enjoy his fragrance. When he is seven years old, he becomes your servant and thereafter he becomes either your enemy or sharer in your works.

Fulfilment of the Children Needs

Al-Ghazali mentioned in his book, parents are accorded with responsibility to fulfil the needs of their children as long it is within their authority and capacity. Al-Ghazali stated:

As you have got duties towards you parent, so also you have got duties towards your children.

(Love & Brotherhood, Chapter V, Book of Worldly Usage, Volume II, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

Relationship with Others

It is empirical that parents uphold relationship with neighbours (Ṣāḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, Volume 8, Book 73, number 43), Muslim brotherhood (Ṣāḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, Volume 8, Book 73, Number 40) and the communities at large to obtain the blessing from the Almighty Allah. This selfless act will set a good example to the children and

(15)

encourage harmonious and peaceful life not only in the mortal world but the hereafter as well. Al-Ghazali wrote in his book:

Man is social being and he is to observe certain rules and regulations if he lives in society.

(Duties to Relatives, Neighbours, Slaves and Muslims, Chapter VI, the Book of Worldly Usage, Volume II, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

In lieu, the relationship with others (spouse, sibling and relatives, peers and Muslim brotherhood, and the society) has been outlined with five elements: Build and maintain the relationship, loving and caring, mediatory role, respectful of others and selfless act of generosity (Figure 4).

FIGURE 4 Relationship with Others

Build & Maintain the Relationship

In the process of building and maintaining the relationship, parents must be careful upon choosing their close friends or companion. This is important because parents are seen as role model and it adversely mirror upon their action for which the children look up to for guidance. This social connection topped with the aim at maintaining positive relationship with others has made it even more significant to the children where each of them will learn at regular basis. The informal education in selecting peers will assist the parents greatly as friends also contribute in shaping the children’s attitude and behaviour. Al- Ghazali further stated in his book:

The Prophet said: If any man is pleased to prolong his life and to make his livelihood solvent, let him fear God and join the tie of relationship.

(Ṣāḥīḥ Muslim, The Book of Virtue, Enjoining Good Manners, and Joining of the Ties of Kinship, Chapter on Upholding Ties Of Kinship, And The Prohibition Of Severing Them, Number 2557).

Relationship with Others

Respect Others

Build &

Maintain the Relationship

Mediatory Role Loving &

Caring Selfless Act of Generosity

(16)

If you wish good company, meet your friends and enemies with smiling countenance and do not dishonour them. Do not fall into fear from them. Be modest without meanness. Adopt middle course in all your actions.

The Prophet said: A man is on the religion of his friend. So let him looks with whom he befriends.

(Sunan Abī Dāwud, Kitab al-Adab (General Behaviour), Chapter on With Whom We Are Ordered to Accompany, Number 4833).

Abu Zarr said: Loneliness is better than a bad companion. And a good companion is better than loneliness.

Luqmān advised his son: 0 dear son, keep company with the learned, as heart is then enlivened with wisdom as a land is enlivened with rain- water.

(Love and Brotherhood, Chapter V, Book of Worldly Usage, Volume II, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

Loving and Caring

The best method to educate children is through the setting up of good example and in this regards, parents should always be compassionate and love others as they love themselves in the name of Allah and His grace. Here, the indirect education portrays through their action which allow the children to acquire same attitude and progressively develop the sense of unity and tolerance with others. Al-Ghazali wrote in his book:

Friendship is the result of good love for one another.

Love for one another and friendship and brotherhood for one another is the best way for nearness to God.

(Love & Brotherhood, Chapter V, the Book of Worldly Usage, Volume II, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn).

(17)

Love for the believers what you love for yourself and dislike for the believers what you dislike for yourself.

The Prophet said: The Muslim society is like a body in respect of mutual love and sympathy. If a limb of the body suffers pain, the whole body responds to it by sleeplessness and fever.

(Ṣahih Muslim, The Book of Virtue, Enjoining Good Manners, and Joining of the Ties of Kinship, Chapter on The Mutual Mercy, Compassion And Support Of The Believer, Number 2586).

The Prophet said: One believer is like a building to another believer a portion of which strengthens another portion.

(Jamiʻ at-Tirmidhī, Book on Righteousness And Maintaining Good Relations With Relatives, Chapter on What Has Been Related About The Muslim’s Compassion For the Muslim, Number 1928).

Mediatory Role

As adult, parents will not haste from the role as mediator in any circumstances comes in their way. They will act as a peacemaker and the skills must be cascaded down to the children by means of encouragement. This attitude if carefully nurture will bring down the rage and anger and replace by humility and excellent cognitive behaviour in problem solving. Consequently, it will promote harmony and peace in the family and communities they live in.

Give up disputes and quarrels. When you get angry with another, do not give up his association for more than three days.

Respect Others

One of the most important traits that parents should always project is the act of respecting others. This can be achieved by discharging their right, fulfil the promise, protect their dignity, respect the privacy and preserve secrecy. Parents should also teach the children to respect others so that the peace and harmony in life can be accorded. Through observation, the children will adopt this trait and it shall guide them in the transformation to become an adult. Al-Ghazali wrote in his book:

(18)

Honour the aged and show affection to the juniors.

The prophet said: He is not a believer from whose harms his neighbour is not safe.

[(Riyad as-Sālihīn, The Book of Miscellany, Number 305) and (Ṣahih al-Bukhāri, Book of Manners and Form, He is not a believer from whose harms his neighbour is not safe, Number 6016)]

Selfless Act of Generosity

Parent should be a generous person to attain the Almighty’s blessing and build positive relationship with others. Parents should also teach their children with diligence to ensure the children’s character are cautiously developed in the sense that the generosity shall triumph over selfishness. The selfless act of generosity will also be a weapon to prevent jealousy. Al-Ghazali wrote in his book:

Do well to everyone either deserving or undeserving.

(Duties to Relatives, Neighbours, Slaves and Muslims, Chapter VI, Book of Worldly Usage Volume II, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn)

Prophet said: Charity to a poor man has the good one merit and charity to a poor relative has the good two merits.

(Sunan an-Nasā’i, The Book of Zakah, Number 2582).

(Duties to Relatives, Neighbours, Slaves and Muslims, Chapter VI, Book of Worldly Usage Volume II, Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn)

CONCLUSION

Parenting is human effort for child upbringing and development in their life time. It is a continuous effort, begins from the process of choosing a spouse, marriage, followed by conception, pregnancy, giving birth, breastfeeding and until the children grown as an adult. Parenting is a responsibility and a pride given for every parent. Children are the trustee from Allah. Thus, they have the right for being nurtured with love, patient and dedication from their parents. In this model, knowledge and education is the basis of good parenting. Through knowledge, parents manifest positive attitudes and behaviour in nurturing their children towards success. They show positive role model in their relationship with Allah, with their children and with others. This model

(19)

could become a benchmark of effective Muslim parenting. However, the success or failure of each parenting effort is depending to Allah. Thus, besides full dedication of parenting, the parents should always pray to Allah for their child well-being - in the world and hereafter.

REFERENCE

al-Quran.

Ạbū Dāwūd, Sulayman binal-Ash'ath. 1988. Sunan Abi Dawud. al-Qahirah: Dar al- Ḥadith.

al-Bukharī, Ismail bin Ibrahim .t.th. Ṣaḥiḥ al-Bukhārī. al-Qahirah: Dar al-Jayl.

Bowen, G. A. 2009. Document Analysis as a Qualitative Research Method, Qualitative Research Journal, 9 (2): 27-40.

al-Ghazali. 1988. Ihyā’ Ulūm ad-Dīn. Terj. Ismail Yakub. Kuala Lumpur: Victory Ajensi.

Greenland, P. 2000. The spirituality of Abu Hamid Muhammad al-Ghazali (1058-1111 CE). An examination of al-Ghazali’s writing and teaching and its relevance for the Islamic community in the contemporary world. Master, University of Southampton. United Kingdom.

al-Jawzi, I., & Al-Rahman, A. A. F. 1928. Talbis Iblis. Cairo: Maktabat al-Mutanabbi.

Kathir, I., & Hafiz, I. A. D. 1966. Al-Bidayah wa al-Nihayah. Riyadh: Maktabat al- Nasr.

al-Nasāʻi, Ahmad Ibn Shuib. 1999. Sunan al-Nasaʻi. al-Qahirah: Dar al-Ḥadith.